Roxie's Story

I am 21 years old. I was a virgin. And waiting for the "right one." 

My story begins when I was raped. I knew the guy who raped me, actually we had known each other for 4 years. I knew he liked me, but I always brushed it off, and when I started a relationship with my current boyfriend, the rapist, became very jealous. He did not show it at first. We use to go jogging, he was always at my house, and I only thought we were friends. My father really really liked him, not my boyfriend, but the rapist. In fact, I think my father would dream that I would marry him, because both of our families were very close. My father found out that I was interested and falling in love with another, my boyfriend...and he didn't take that too well.

I don't even remember exactly how things came to this point. I know that my father encouraged "the rapist" to date me and profess his love. I remember that "the rapist" did this, and I also remember telling him how much I loved my current boyfriend. And that I would always consider "the rapist" as a friend.

Somehow, things got a little complicated. I began receiving cards from him, and he insisted that he loved me. Yet I did not feel one thing for him. It was a Friday, and my family had all gone from our house. I was washing my clothes. I had left the back door open because I had just fed the dogs and plus we always left the back door open. I remember him coming in, and yelling at him to leave. Yet he did not leave. And that day I lost my virginity by force. It hurt with a passion. I remember screaming for someone to help me...and no one could hear me. It was the most horrific time in my life.

When the deed was done, he left. I was very scared. I remember that the phones were down and I couldn't call anyone because our city had had heavy rains the days before and many phone lines were done. Also many neighborhoods were flooded. I felt so powerless. I couldn't contact anyone. I was afraid to leave my house. So, I took a shower. Which was very stupid on my part. All I could think of was getting his everything off of me. My parents arrived a couple of hours later. I remember trying to tell them what happened, but my father did not believe me. He thought he was making it up. But see, "the rapist" also beat me up very badly.

Somehow, I only told people that I was attacked, and not raped.

About a week later, I went jogging one morning....many little things came into play in my head...I had been struggling with my own self....since the first rape, I was very scared, and didn't want to do anything by myself. But somehow, my boyfriend convinced me to move on with my life. Except I did another stupid thing. I went jogging one morning, feeling that I was not going to be afraid anymore. I remember almost finishing my run that morning....It was a cool humid morning....and I only needed about a block more to run to reach my house. At that moment, I felt a push from the back. I fell to my knees, rolled over and there he was again. It was happening all over again. He rolled me into the grass....I screamed but no one came out of their houses. He choked me and yelled at me and told me not to scream or he would "kill me"....so, I couldn't scream, and there, ..it happened again.

And again, he left me...worse off than the first time. I remember crying in the grass, and somehow, getting the courage to walk away. Walk to my home, where my mom was making breakfast. I remember her face, her expression....it killed me! She helped me....she took off my clothes and gave me a bath. This time, my father did believe me. This time, he was on my side.

And this time, "the rapist" was not getting away with it. My father began his mission to make sure "the rapist" did not do this again, to me or anyone. Yet, "the rapist" left me with so many problems...he left me pregnant.

I discussed the options...and I remember my parents were so against it. Yet, I did not want this thing growing inside of me ...this thing created by hatred and lust. I decided to have an abortion.

My mother was the one who took me, she is the one who was there. It was very painful....I still am trying to figure things out...I am still having problems. I have nightmares, and things have not been the same physically. But I just have to live one day at a time. I just have to move on, and learn to not dwell on what happened.

And if this happened to anyone out there, I only pray that you don't lose your faith and that you remain strong. We can get out of it. We are strong!

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