Rachel's Story

I try not to think about the abortion I had 5 years ago, but I know I will never forget about it. While I was on Facebook today, I read an anti-abortion post "silence for those who never had a voice" day for Oct. 19th... and it really made me think about how my views changed so much on the subject... so i have not been on this site for years, but i know how much it helped me when I read other women's stories.... so I'm finally ready to share mine.

My name is Rachel, I am 18 now... and I had an abortion when I was 14 years old. I had a boyfriend who was 3 years older than me from out of town. He was my first everything. We had been dating for a year and we truly loved and cared for each other, as careless as we were. Being so careless, we didn't always use a condom, and the day I realized I was pregnant....was a huge punch in the face. I mean, I never thought it could actually happen to ME.

After 2 months of morning sickness my mom realized what was wrong with me, I was ashamed to admit that i was pregnant, horrified that she knew, it broke us both for a long time. My mom stopped talking to me, and I felt so alone, I needed her during that time so badly. My boyfriend just begged me to get the abortion, and I? ... I was so against killing my own baby. I hated him, god, myself, everyone. I thought numerous times that I would rather kill myself than be a burden to my family ..... but how selfish to take my own life and my child .....

When I made it to the Yakima clinic, i couldn't believe I was actually there ... A child killing her child .... I was so numb. By the time I took all the pills for before the abortion I was so out of myself, I remember sitting in that room staring at the ground, telling myself "get the hell out of here, what are you thinking!!!!!???" ... but I went through with it, and when I woke up and got home, none of it seemed real.

It took me about 3 years to come to terms with my decision. I now realize, that, it would have been selfish to bring someone into the world, when you aren't ready and could never be able to give them the life you want for them, even if you gave them up through adoption, you don't know they will be happy or ever wonder why they weren't wanted by their biological parents.

I think women know when to bring someone into the world, I'm not saying that people should go and get pregnant and if they don't want a baby, there's always abortion.... I'm NOT saying that at all, I just think that in certain situations, abortion should be a choice.

Rachel
2010