Natasha's Story

I'm expecting. As in "with child." I always planned to have kids someday, but "someday" was never qualified. I always expected to become a mother, but only after I first became a wife. Yet here I sit, unmarried and pregnant. Every time I think I've forgotten about it for a few minutes, I feel another cramp that seems more like a wave of reality crashing over me than a muscle spasm.

The lady at the clinic said that the cramps are due to my uterus stretching. Duh.

I still can't believe it's true. I found out five days ago, and in five more days it won't be true anymore. A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N. Now there's a scary word for you.

What kind of woman kills a baby - her OWN baby? Is it really a baby? What if my parents find out? What if there are protesters there who know me from church? What if something goes wrong and I get really sick? What if I can no longer have kids afterwards? What if I can't live with the guilt? What if I feel no guilt?

My boyfriend has been great about it, and I feel closer than ever to him, but at the same time I feel worlds away. He has no clue what I'm going through - physically, mentally, or emotionally. When it's all said and done, he gets to walk away with no scars. I wish I could say the same.

I have no doubt that abortion is the right choice for me right now, for so many different reasons. But it's hard as hell.

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