Liza's Story

I'm a 20 year old woman, who is preparing to have my second abortion in 2 years...

I am only 4 weeks pregnant, and when I found out I was totally and utterly shocked.
I was more angry with myself for getting into another situation where I was forced to make one of the hardest decisions of my life...again.

My First abortion was just days before my 18th birthday, I was 9 weeks pregnant and only told my closest friend. I couldnt tell my parents or my partner at the time, I just felt it was something that I had to do to prove that I was strong enough. I had a surgical abortion, the experiance was ok, but it was a little lonely.

When I walked from the hospital that night, I vowed that I would NEVER put myself in that position again. Eventually i told my mum, she guessed that something had happened and asked me almost a year after my abortion.She was supportive but I could tell she was possibly a little disappointed at the same time.

I never told my partner about my first abortion as I was scared how he would react, to this day he still doesnt know. 7 days ago, i did an early pregancy test in the toilets where I work...My period wasn't late yet but I had had sex exactly on my day of ovulation, there was a party at his house and we both had a little too much to drink, I had gotten off the Contraceptive Pill Months earliar and had been using condoms for a while. I know its a cliche, but sometimes one thing leads to another and before you know it, your waking up in the morning thinking 'oh my god, what a stupid thing to do'. I decided on the Morning after Pill, having only 72 hours to take it and the following 2 days being public Holiday's in the UK, I had to wait until the 3rd and final day.I planned to go after work, my boss decided it was a great time to have a meeting with us all. Before I knew it, the chemist had closed and I had missed my 72hr
deadline....

I didnt think too much about it at first, telling myself 'it was only once, my period will come as normal'. I thought about nothing else for 2 weeks, waiting for my period, my breasts got tender and swollen just like they had always done before my period,
a few spots popped up and I felt bloated. All good signs I thought....

Until I started waking up in the morning with a strange feeling like I wanted to vomit as soon as I got out of bed, stranger still, I had completly gone off the idea of my morning cigarette, the only thing that can wake me in the morning!

So I did the test...2 lines!...One fainter than the other, but still 2 lines and that was it, a mixture of shock, terror and bewilderment.

I phoned my boyfriend straight away, he was very calm about the situation and we decided we would discuss it that evening.

Having lost his job and myself earning anything far from enough to support a family, we decided that a termination was the best decision to make.
We explored all different possiblities, but eventually made our choice.

I went to see my GP and requested an early abortion, I told him I could not have been any more than 14 days pregnant at the time. He noted from my medical file that
I had had a previous termination, he raised an eye brow at me disaprovingly.

I went on to discuss my shock at my pregnancy and how I was finding it difficult to keep level headed about my decision.

He replied: 'You have sex and get pregnant and you're shocked?!'

His tone was sarcastic, almost as if he was angry with me on a personal level. I was stunned at his outburst, I had expected some straight forward advice
and maybe a listening ear, but instead I got sarcasm and disaproving looks.

I had already felt so angry with myself for having to organise an abortion for the SECOND time, a rude man in a white coat was the last thing I wanted.

So as instructed I took my paperwork from the front desk, it contained a certificate that the Dr had signed to confirm he agreed to the termintaion.

I rang the number written on the front and apoke to a very nice lady who asked questions regarding my last period, age, height, weight ect ect...
She booked me in 3 days later to the same London Hospital I went to before, I felt she wasnt judging me for my mistake or decision and tretaed me like
a person and not another woman who had been careless.

Im waiting for my consultation, and I know what to expect...the internal scan, the smear testing,personal questions... This time my partner is with me,
together we are determined to see it through and have promised to each other that one day we will have a child, and when that second line appears it
will be tears of joy and not fear streaming down my face.

''Choose the choices you make, and may every single day thereafter be better for it.''

Liza
February 20, 2007