Lauren's Story

Call me callous, call me selfish. All together I've been pregnant 6 times.

My first born would be 20 years old this year. I admit I took that loss very very hard. I felt ashamed and was labeled as a murderer. I gave life to 4 beautiful children. My 1st born is 17 and is still with me. I then had twins in 1990 and for 6 months I tried to raise them and humbled myself to churches and freebies for their care. After many tears I had to face reality, I could not provide a stable loving home for them. I went to an adoption center and my twins were placed with a very loving couple. The process is called "open adoption" I choose the couple that I felt would love them the best. I am in contact with them to this day. I receive pictures and updates on them regularly.

Now at first I felt so depressed (actually for many years there was a hole inside me) I got so messed up I lost my daughter 4 month's later. (she presently lives with her grandmother -her father's mom.) Then not even 1 year later I was pregnant again. I called the agency who helped with my twins and with the help of this organization I again gave a priceless gift to a very good couple. Don't get me wrong there is still a sense of not being good enough, but consistent contact with them has helped enormously.

Now oddly enough, although I tested HIV+ in Aug. 1991, my children are not. That was a major step in my forgiving myself. I knew the decision I made was the right one.

I am so grateful we have a choice because if I were to get pregnant today I would not hesitate to terminate. I don't think I could live with myself knowing I gave my child a death sentence. There are many doors one can knock on, there are people that want to help. If you sit down and weigh out all your options I know that your decision will be the right one.

Have faith in yourself. Love yourself and you won't go wrong.

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