Kristi's Story

I never thought I would be in this position, I had been on birth control for 15 years and hadn't even had a false alarm. I'm 30 years old and haven't really decided whether I would have kids, I knew I was not ready to be MOM right now! Especially not a single MOM. I have so many friends who are single parents and life is so hard for them and their kids.

I was single and celibate for about 2 years so I stopped getting my depo shots, why bother since I was celibate. Then I met my boyfriend, we had been together for about 5 months when we started to be sexually active. We were using condoms while we decided which birth control method was right for us. One night the condom broke. I was very nervous about getting pregnant and decided we needed to choose another form of birth control ASAP. We had decided that depo-provera was right for us, mainly because I had such good luck with it previously.

I had just moved and started a new job, I thought it must be all the stress causing me to be late. So, when I went to the clinic they asked me if I had a period and I explained the life changes and the fact that I was irregular to begin with. They started me on a birth control pill until they could schedule me for the depo shot. I got my shot about two weeks later, I never got my period the entire two years I was on depo before so, when I didn't get it this time I didn't worry about it.

Well, I started to gain weight, which I attributed to the depo-provera, but my stomach was hard as a rock. I went to the clinic and asked if the depo would cause this, they prescribed pills again and told me to give it a couple months. I am very small to begin with, I was only wearing a size 4 jean at this point. About a week later I just felt like something wasn't right with my body so I bought a home pregnancy test, for peace of mind, and it was positive. I almost fainted. I'm not really sure why I took the test, I just knew something wasn't right. I went back to the clinic to get a test there and they also performed an internal exam. It was determined that I was somewhere between 18 and 22 weeks pregnant. I was devastated, my biggest fear was that I would have no choice. Thank goodness I did, I don't know what I would have done if I didn't. I received counseling on my options and was sent home to think it over.

Now, I only had about 10 days to make a decision because abortions are legal only until 24 weeks. I had only a couple of options as to where I could have it done, it was going to be extremely expensive. The closest place was a 4 1/2 hour drive, the procedure would take three days and it would cost $1800 plus hotels and meals. I truly felt this was my only choice. I did not want to be a MOM, my partner already has a little girl that he really wasn't ready for and he certainly wasn't ready for another child. Neither of us were, especially not in four months. Not to mention the fact that I drank almost every weekend, smoked marijuana and had four sets of X-rays in the last four months. Along with the diet pills, the birth control pills and depo-shot that I had been taking. I knew that adoption was an option but not under the circumstances and ours is a small town, so many explanations to family and friends, we didn't think we would be able to give the baby up.

So, three weeks ago on March 21, 1998 I had my abortion. I told a couple friends who I thought would be supportive. Only one was judgmental, she started crying and told me she was crying for my baby and that she was very disappointed in my boyfriend because she thought he should be happy because he was already a father and how could he let me do this? Well, I blew up at her! This was essentially my choice and I had decided to do this on my own if need be. She insulted my values and morals, she claims to be a spiritual and religious person so, how could she be so judgmental, I think she was trying to guilt me into having the baby. Real spiritual, huh? I should bring a baby who is not wanted in the world just because I was pregnant. My partner was extremely supportive, he was with me through the three day procedure and has been there for me ever since. 

I often feel guilty for the abortion but, I never regret it. It was clearly the only choice for me and my boyfriend at this point in our lives. I have good days and bad days but, I will be fine. I think society and all it's judgmental messages are the main reason for my guilt. At first I was very angry at the clinic for not giving me a pregnancy test, but as I look back, now I realize that it was really up to me to listen to my body not try and hide from what I think I knew all along.

All of this has given me a new perspective on life, I am very thankful for my lover (who I was not sure about), my true friends and my FREEDOM to live MY LIFE in the best way for me. I feel so blessed to have all of these things. After all, when it is all said and done the only things you really have are; who you are, those you truly love and those who truly love you.

Thank you to all of you who fight for women to remain in control of their lives. And Thanks for letting me tell my story, I hope it helps.

Be strong. Peace.

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