Deeta's Story

My whole life I was raised in the Bible Belt. Very conservative. Against abortions and same sex marriages, hearing people talk against those things was nothing out of the ordinary, I thought I was against it too. I thought that NO MATTER WHAT I'd step up to the plate, be a mother. Now, I'm thinking it's best if I don't. I can't give this child what it deserves.

I'm 18 years old. Found out I was pregnant a week ago. I was in an abusive relationship for a year and God somehow prevented me from getting pregnant. Then one of my closest friends comes home and we start hanging out. One thing led to another, we became sexually involved. Now I'm pregnant, trying to finish high school, sick all the time, and jobless. I'd had the same job for two years and when they found out I was pregnant, they said it was "Time to part ways."

Still I thought I'd keep the baby, abortion wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind, it's my child, ya know? I'm getting scared though. I was sitting in the bathtub last night praying for a miracle because I honestly just don't know what I'm gonna do. The dad called, he thinks this is the best choice. He's back to traveling for his job. He's not ready to be a dad and I'm not ready to be a single mom.

He and I decided this is what we'd do: just tell everyone I had a miscarriage.

I just don't know that I can though. I'm thinking about all the doors it will open up if I don't have this baby. I'm thinking about holding the child though. I know there will be time for that later. When I'm older, with my career stable, and a good relationship. I'm still scared though. Scared and confused.

Deeta
2011