Beatrice's Story

Let me start by saying that I've never even considered an abortion. The first time I was pregnant, I was 14 and on the Depo shot. I had no idea that I was pregnant, and since I was on the shot, my doctor thought I must have stomach cancer because I was so sick.

Then I was in a bad accident and when I went to the emergency room, I found out I was pregnant. My mom was with me and I cried and cried about it, then she told me I needed to straighten up and be a woman because I was going to be a mom. So then I had an ultrasound and found out I was pregnant with twins. Even though I was only 14, and I was pregnant with twins, I thought there must be some way to do it, my mom was really supportive, and so was the father. Then I went to my O.B and found out that they had died as a result of the accident. I was so sad, I didn't think I could go on. I wouldn't have a miscarriage though, so I had a D&C.

Then, when I was 16, I found out I was pregnant again, this time I was ready, and really happy. It may sound silly that a 16 year old was ready, but I was. I knew I wanted to be a mom after I lost the twins. And I had been with the dad for over 3 years. So I had the baby, a beautiful little boy that's 2 and a half now. I was alone the whole time I was pregnant with him, and I've raised him all by myself, and I think I've done a damn good job.

Then I got pregnant again by another man before my 18th birthday, and of course I was going to have it All was going well, but when I went for a regular check up I found out it had died. Just died. I was 4 months pregnant then. I had another D&C. Since then, nothing. Till last month.

What can I say, I'm not perfect. I slept with a couple of people within a weeks time, none of them good men, and I found out I was pregnant again. I'm 19 and this is my 4th pregnancy. I'm engaged to a wonderful man, and he's a really good dad to my son, but the baby isn't his. I had to tell him, he was getting so excited. I have no excuses. Maybe I'm just a bad person. But I just can't have this baby. I don't know who the father is, and I can't possibly ask my fiance to raise another child that isn't his. I don't think I would love the baby, not as much as my son, anyhow. So I've decided to have an abortion, and I'm so scared. Will it hurt really bad? Will I get really depressed after and not be able to deal with it? I just don't know. I guess I'll find out in 12 days. Thanks for listening, maybe this will help someone else, I hope I'm not alone.

Beatrice
March 2007