Angela's Story

I had just started university, and I was still in awe of my new life and my newfound freedom.

At the end of October, I realized that I really liked the guy who lived down the hall from me, and he told me that he liked me too. I was ecstatic, and we started having sex right away. I didn't suspect anything until my 19th birthday - my two best friends took me out for lunch, and I all of a sudden felt really sick and thought I was going to throw up. My period was late, but it did that sometimes anyway, so I didn't think much of it. After another week or so, I decided to get a blood test at a clinic, to "rule out" pregnancy.

When I called back a couple days later, the doctor at the clinic said it was definitely positive. I hung up the phone and cried for hours. My two best friends were there with me when I called, and they knew right away by my face. I had no idea what to do, where to go, but I knew that I had to have an abortion. As much as I love children, this was not the time for me to have a child. I was in my first year of university, with so many plans and dreams, and no money at all to raise a child with.

My boyfriend had no money either, and neither did either of our parents. He was really upset, and didn't want me to have an abortion at first. We talked a lot about it though, and we decided that it was the right thing. I think it hit him harder than me, since his parents were 19 when they had him.

I went to one clinic, and the doctor there referred me to a women's health clinic that would help me set up an abortion. They were so nice and friendly there, which helped me. One of my biggest fears was people looking down on me, and thinking that I was a horrible person for doing this. There was nothing else I could do though, and I knew that it was the right decision.

I found out that I was pregnant in December, so I must have gotten pregnant right when we started having sex. The clinic scheduled an ultrasound for me, and it was during our Christmas break. I didn't want to have to tell my parents, but I had too because I had to get to my ultrasound. I couldn't wait any longer, or it would be too late. On Jan 4th I had my ultrasound, and I didn't look at the screen because I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to acknowledge that it was a baby in me, I just pretended it was a thing, a blob.

My mom lost it when I told her, she was so upset. I think that she wanted me to keep it, but she knew I had to have an abortion. My dad was supportive though, and I think he was glad that I was having an abortion.

I had my abortion on Jan 16th. I was back at school from Christmas break, and this was the first Saturday that I was back. My boyfriend and his friend drove me there, and once we found out I would be there for a few hours, they left and said they'd come back to get me. This was fine with me, because it was more my decision than his to have this abortion, and I didn't want to make him stay with me if he didn't want to.

I first went into a prep room, where I put on the hospital gown and all that. Then I went in the waiting room thing, and sat on a hospital bed waiting for my turn. I was trying so hard not to cry, but all I could notice was that every other woman in the room had someone with them except for me. I had never felt so alone in my entire life. I can hardly see the screen right now I'm crying so much, just reliving that day.

When I went in, they gave me gas so that I was light headed and Canada felt like I wasn't there. A nurse sat beside me and held my hand and talked to me the whole time, and I didn't really feel anything. After it was done, I went to the same waiting room again. I just dozed on and off, waiting for the drugs to wear off, and then I got dressed and was allowed to leave. My boyfriend and his friend were back to get me, and we went back to residence at school. I never had much pain after, just like normal cramps really.

Emotionally, I just tried to block everything out. I just tried to act like I didn't care at all, that it didn't upset me, because it was just a "thing". I think I feel more pain now than I did then. My due date was July 26, which is in a couple weeks. I still cry almost every night when I think about it, and I wonder if I did the right thing. It was so hard for me to do, because I love kids so much and want to have a family in the near future. My boyfriend has been really supportive through it all, and we have an amazing relationship now.

After my abortion I was really depressed for about 6 weeks, because I was dealing with the feelings of having an abortion, and my two best friends who were there for me earlier had suddenly ditched me. If my boyfriend wasn't there for me then, I don't know what I would have done. I'm scared to think of what I might have done.

Now I have moved on in my life, but I still have so much sadness from this. I think I always will, especially until I am ready to have children. And when I see babies and small children, it's all I can do not to burst out in tears. My boyfriend never did tell his mom, cause she would have been really upset and mad I think. My mom and I get along good still, but there will always be that tension there.

I guess I just needed to say all this, because I found your site and started reading the stories, and I have been sitting here bawling for 3 hours reading them. Things will never be the same in my life, but it was so nice to read that other people have gone through it too, and that my feelings aren't alone.

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