Ajah's Story

I'm 18 almost 19 and a freshman in college. i've always had to keep up appearances cause i never wanted anyone to look down at me. people were always saying how smart i was, i guess i'm not as smart as they thought. me and my boyfriend had been together for a year on and off. we had been having unprotected sex from the beginning but since i'd never come out pregnant i figured i was lucky. stupid is more like it. i told him and he said he'd be there for me but he wasn't it really did not shock me cause that's how he was.

i haven't told my parents and I'm almost five months. every time i go to have the abortion some obstacle gets in my way. i keep thinking maybe it's a sign for me to keep it but i can't. i don't want my baby not to have a father cause that's what'll happen. i've scheduled the appointment for friday and I'm hoping to have it done. i really don't want to but i want to move on and basically forget about this.

the one thing i really regret in not telling my parents i know they would have been disappointed but at least i would've had some type of support. sure i had my best friend who did everything she could to help me. i just hope i will be able to move on and forgive myself. the thing that really gets me is will my baby forgive me too.

thanks a lot,
Ajah, Tue, 16 Mar 1999

please e-mail me if you can help me get through this, i don't know what to do anymore.

Dear Ajah,

I would be interested in learning more about the obstacles that "got in your way" and your reaction to them.... so as to help make choice more accessible to others...

I would like to hear anything else you have to say...

-webweaver

well first off i was not getting financial support from the father so i had to struggle to get the money i needed. then the first time i went to have a sonogram i was longer in the pregnancy than i had thought so the cost was more than i could afford. i went to a cheaper place with a set amount in mind cause i knew from the previous sonogram how long i was but this place did another one and told me i was even longer. i told the father i needed money but still he was no help. so i was begging people to help me.

my best friend even asked people she knew and her own mother for the money but it was unsuccessful. so finally my last resort was to use my parents insurance for it but as of this moment i don't know what is going to happen with that. i'm still waiting to hear. hopefully all will go well and i can go through with it on friday cause i really want to move on with my life. one good thing came out of this, i realized what kind of person the father is and me and him are no longer together and never will be again. thanks for the email.

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