Meditation in the Moonlight

Meditation in The Moonlight

I know the feeling--the greatest feeling of being a mother. I know the deep emotion of the most mysterious and wonderful moment--to give birth to a new life into this universe...

I know the feeling--the most hellish feeling--the abandonment for being a mother. I know the repentance sense of the most painful, miserable, and inhumane moment--to blow out the light of a new spirit.

I'm not anti-abortion, and yet I'm not a pro-abortion either ... Is abortion right? or wrong? I really don't have the answer for that question ... probably no one has ... right or wrong ... right or wrong ...?

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Standing on the coastline at dawn, far away, above the horizon, a moonlight dimly shining on you. Just then, a moonlight suddenly grows brilliant, sharp, like lightning speed, and it pierces your heart. For that moment--the same spirit--so sure, your spirit--came back, as Anakalia--Hawaiian name for "strong-minded."

Looking up the sky in the morning glow, through a crack of fleecing clouds, the morning sunshine basking on you. Just then, slowly a sunshine glows, changes to the prismatic colors, and veiled gently around you. For that moment--the same spirit--so sure, your spirit--came back, as Aalona--Hawaiian name for "enlightened."

Abortion. It's a women's choice. If born as women, living as women, and dying as women--the fate of imposing to be women, then controlling and administrating fate itself are also a women's choice and right. Correct? Wrong? Nonsense?

Creating a new life and soul, cherishing the same blood with a new innocent life in the womb, feeling the breath and heart throbbing--stronger and more powerful day after day, panting for breath for the expectation and the anxiety, looking forward to the special day to be a mother in a flutter, or denying everything for these--lapsing the existence of a new life and spirit; whichever women choose, there is nothing but only two ways--either being a mother, or being a killer.

Today again, I am lost in meditation, throwing myself into the morning calm and basking under the warm moonlight: the two spirits that were removed and destroyed once before, believing and wishing, you--as the same spirits--came back and enlightened two new lives and souls. I know. . .I know. . .I'm only protecting and consoling myself. . .but don't want to be a killer. . .forgive, forgive. . .because don't want to commit myself as a killer. . .forgive, forgive... please let me believe you are the same spirits. . .and forgive. . .

Born as women, carried on women's nature; because born as women, acknowledged women's nature; because born as women, carried on women's nature; because born as women, carried on women's destiny; because born as women, accepted women's fate.

Born as women, --abortion--was the end of one woman's sad nature.

Right or wrong?. . .right or wrong?. . .human's stupidity and egoism--can never weigh women's nature and fate--with such nonsense argument.

by Rumiko Shimooka
August 17, 1998, Okinawa, Japan

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