Yonita's Story
Abortion or no? What do I care about more?

I'm pregnant, 9 weeks now. I found out the first week of February. The baby's father was there with me. I tried to hold on to him, but in two weeks he left me. I always thought he was the perfect man . I never once considered his age was a factor towards the right thing. I am 22 and he is 18. From the moment I met him he seemed much more mature than other men, but now ... I'm not quite sure.

Right now, we are trying to decide ... well not we, me. He already knows he wants me to get an abortion. I'm the one that's torn between getting one or having my child. Friday I go for my first Sonogram. He's supposed to be going with me and truthfully I'm hoping this will help his mind be a little more open to having the baby.

For the last week or so my only thoughts were to go ahead and have this baby. But today as I was washing dishes the reality of what's going on in my life and with my body came crashing down on me. When I told my mom, she completely stopped talking to me. My supposed to be loving boyfriend broke up with me, it seemed he could no longer see a future with me. Hah! The only real support I have is my friends, my sister who just had her first baby February 4th, and my godmother.

So my options?:
1. Keep my baby.
        -Lose my mother
        - Possibly have my child grow up fatherless
        - Have a hard time finishing college
2. Kill my baby.
        - Get my mother back
        - Possibly get my man back
        - Finish college

If these were my pros and cons I still wouldn't have a decision made. The lists are of equal length. What gets me is when I think of having an abortion, I'm not thinking of me or the child viewpoint. All I'm thinking about is making everyone else happy ... so who's more important to me here.

March 1999

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"The mother and the lesbian are two polarized images on which male subjectivity has projected some of its deepest fears and hatred of women. The lesbian mother is a contradiction; she is not supposed to exist... her existence suggests that no woman, even one who has married and borne children, necessarily belongs to a man or men."
- by Adrienne Rich in 1977