Tamara's Story

First of all I want to thank you for your website. At times I thought I was alone, but these stories have shown me otherwise.

I lost my medical insurance over a job change and was off the pill (which I had been taking since I was 15 yrs old) for two months. My fiancée and thought we were being careful but on Mother's Day I realized that I was almost a week late. So, we went to the store joking around that I might be pregnant. We were both thinking that the reason why I was late was just stress. Well, we went home and I took the test and it came out positive. I couldn't believe it.

So, I told my fiancée that I would go to a clinic tomorrow to get a second opinion. Well, I had another test taken at the abortion clinic near by and it was positive as well. I kept thinking that this is going to ruin my life and our plans to get married. We had plans to get married in October 98 in Las Vegas and there was no way that I would want to go to Las Vegas in 100 degree weather when I was 6 months pregnant.

I was devastated. Yet, I never thought that I would really even consider the option of an abortion. My fiancée and I sat down that night and talked about all of our options. We could either keep it or to give it up for an adoption.

Keeping it would have changed our whole entire relationship. We had both had prior marriages and he got his ex-wife pregnant and then decided for the baby's sake to marry her. If we would have kept this baby and then got married it would look like he was making the same mistake all over again, which neither of us wanted. We wanted to have the "perfect life". Get married and then start a family not the opposite. And there was no way that I could carry the baby full-term and then give it up.

So we decided to have an abortion. I was only 4 weeks along and the clinic wouldn't do an abortion until I was at least 7 weeks, so I sat here thinking about this baby inside me and how I would have to live with this for another 3 weeks. That was very difficult. I started having doubts about the abortion.

So, we went to see our pre-marriage counselor for some advice. I told her and my fiancée that I didn't want to give the baby up and I wanted to keep it. I was only having the abortion to make my fiancée happy. He wasn't ready for the child he has now and I wanted him to be ready for this one. We knew we wanted to have children just not yet. Well come to find out he was having the same doubts about the abortion.

So we decided that this was a gift that God had given us and we were going to accept it with open arms. We moved the wedding date up to July 18th so I would only be 3 months pregnant and could kind of stand the heat then. We started to get more and more excited about the baby until I got really really sick.

I was so sick I thought I was going to die. I couldn't work (which we really needed the money). We started arguing because of what was going on. I was too sick to do anything that we usually did and we had no money because I couldn't work. I just wanted to stay home in bed. We started growing apart very quickly and I thought that I much rather have my fiancée and my wonderful relationship with him than a full-time responsibility of a child that I wasn't sure we would be able to afford or take care of.

I made the decision on my own without anyone else's thoughts and feelings attached. By this time I was 6 weeks pregnant and made an appointment the following week to terminate the pregnancy. By the day of the appointment I was so ready and I couldn't wait for it to be all over. I was tired of being so sick and I wanted my relationship with my fiancée back.

He was very supportive in my decision and stood behind me 100% and I thank him for it everyday. We both went to the clinic together and he held my hand through the whole procedure. I must say I was relieved that it was finally over.

I thought that I would grieve the loss of something that was a part of myself and my fiancée (especially seeing his son on the weekends which is a constant reminder of his past relationship with his ex-wife) but I didn't. My fiancée on the other hand did. He was very upset at the whole thing but together we got over it.

Neither of us regret our decision to terminate that pregnancy because it wasn't the right timing. We wanted to get married then start a family (what society calls "the right way"). We are trying to get on our feet financially and then we will start a family. I much rather have a child that from the very beginning is wanted from both myself and my spouse. And a child that I can support on my own instead of using welfare or public assistance to help me. It's so sad to see all of the families in this world on welfare or public assistance just because of the views against people who have abortions.

People who say women use abortions as birth control or they are to selfish to pay for the consequences of having sex and getting pregnant, well, they are wrong. Until you've walked a mile in my shoes, do not judge me for the decisions I have made in my life and I won't judge you for the decisions you've made in your life.

July 1998

more stories -- share your story

Birth Control Comparison - alll methods Abortion Info from Feminist Women's Health CenterShare your story
Poetry and Prose - by women about their reproductive lives Teens HealthResources for Women of Color
Feminist Abortion Clinics Real Life Abortion Stories from teens Questions and Answers


"I'm really sick of people apologizing for feminism as if it would leave nasty stains. Feminism is one of the world's great humanisms. It's about making the world more human."
- Jodie Foster

P.S. My fiancée and I were still married on July 18th, that was the actual gift from God.