At age 16 I was raped by my high school teacher.
I was young and stupid and thought it was cool to be "going out" with a teacher but when I tried to end the relationship, he raped me. I became pregnant and very scared.
I come from a very small town in the "bible belt" where abortions are hush hush and taboo. He forced me to have an abortion because he said it would destroy his reputation and he said it would make my mom hate me.
So I had an abortion in another state secretly, he pretended to be my guardian by forging a consent form. I shut down emotionally.
One year later (almost to the date) I was seventeen and very bitter. I met a nice young boy around my age and had unprotected sex. The first sexual experience since the rape and I became pregnant again. At this time I was emotionally dead and being seventeen I was more concerned with being prom queen. We chose to have an abortion.
During this time I had the support of the father of the baby and it was a decision based upon us and our future. We both knew that we needed to go to college and that we were young and would not be responsible parents.
I have gained peace in my heart for my choices. I am still hurt and bitter about what happened to me the first time and I know that the second abortion was a result of the emotional scars from the rape.
Since then I went to college and graduated with a degree in Psychology and now I am working on my Masters in counseling psychology. I wanted to turn my experiences into a productive and positive tool to help others. I want to help teenage girls and others that have been raped or those who were forced into having abortions. I can see it from both sides because I have an abortion against my will and also one by choice.
I am so thankful that I made my decision but I still have moments where I break down and have feelings of sorrow. Now that I am 25, I see more clearly, athough I would make the same decisions, I still regret being forced and I still feel raped even all of these years later. My rapist is still teaching in my hometown but I find solace knowing that my experiences and education my help others someday.
February 12, 2007
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