Nikki's Story

my name is nikki. i already have 2 beautiful girls. they are healthy 4 and 2 yr olds. i am only 20 yrs old and just had a miscarriage. my story starts about 7 years ago.

i was a freshmen in high school and met my children dad. we talked and started dating. well about 18 months later we found out i was pregnant. he had just graduated and was getting ready to leave to go to basic training. i went through the whole summer being pregnant with my first daughter. but the problem was when i would go visit him he would rape me. he wouldn't hit me or anything but i felt it was still rape. well he came home and i acted like it never happened because of my parents. they didn't want me to live in their house. they said you had a child you are old enough to move out. i was only 16 years old.

we moved and he continued to rape me. i felt like it was my responsibility to my daughter to stay with him. we stayed in that house for a while. off and on we both cheated and did stupid stuff that we both regret. well in October of 2000 i found out i was pregnant again with my second daughter. i told him and he told me to have an abortion that he didn't want another child. he said i have found someone else that i love and want to marry i don't need another child to take care of. well i didn't listen to him. i had my child. a couple of months later we decided to work things out and get back together. we ended up moving in with his mother. where we live today. our daughter came and everything was "just fine". well in his book. our children are fine.

well in January of this year he got deployed. he was stationed in Kansas. i was relieved. he couldn't rape me anymore. but on the other had i was heartbroken for my children because they love their dad. while he was gone his friend and i got really close. we became best friends. he helped me out with everything. one thing led to another and we starting having a relationship. in the beginning neither one of us thought that we would fall in love but we did. at the beginning of August we found out that the girls dad was coming home from Iraq. he had gotten stationed over there but got a syst on his back and had to come home to have it removed. he come home and had surgery 2 weeks ago friday. well i am living with his mom still and just found out last week i am pregnant with my boyfriends baby. my girls dad wasnt mad. which suprised me. so i went to the doctor and thought everything was going to be ok i was going to have a normal pregnancy. well that didn't happen. i found out i was having a miscarriage and they couldn't help me. i am so heartbroken. i just want my child. the girls dad acts like it is nothing, a dog that died. everyday he asks me what's wrong? why are you crying? things like that. i don't want to be with him. i want to be with my boyfriend. i love him so much. he makes me happy. he has been there for me so much. right now i have nowhere to go. i can't move in with my boyfriend he lives with his mom. and his mom hates me. i can't move in with my family there is no room. so i guess my only choice is to stay with my kids dad. even though he doesn't give a damn that i just lost my child.

girls if you are with someone that abuse you please please don't make my mistake and stay. get out while you can.

24 Aug 2003

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