Lilly's Story

I recently had an abortion -- 2 months ago. i got pregnant at the end of my senior year in high school. when i was pregnant i did not confide in my parents till i was five months into the pregnancy. the whole time i was pregnant, the father of my baby was very unsupportive and at that time till now he was living out of the country going to school. 2 weeks after he left the u.s. i found out i was pregnant. one of my closest friends encouraged me to get a pregnancy test. so, when i did i was shocked to find out i was pregnant. i couldn't believe it was happening to me.

thoughts came running to my mind like how?, why me?, why now?, my life is over? my parents will be disappointed in me, i'm barely just starting college? the day i found out i was pregnant i told the father of my baby. he did not believe it was his and denied it. he told me he was not ready. i told him i'm not either, but i'm willing to sacrifice anything for the baby. so the whole time i was pregnant i did not talk to him at all. i only talked to his sister and brother-in-law. finally he knew that it was his baby but i still did not talk to him at all.

when i did tell an adult i told my aunt and i asked her for help. my aunt and i were suppose to tell my parents together. but before we could do so my mom asked if i was pregnant one night and yes just came out of my mouth. the first thing she did was she told me i had to get an abortion. i told her i wanted the baby. then she told my dad who i thought would be very angry at me but reacted totally opposite than i expected. he was very understanding. but their reasons for me to have the abortion was i was too young, the father is not here, and i just started college.

the father of my baby did not know i had an abortion until this month. till this day i'm an emotional wreck. i was born a catholic and went to catholic school my whole life till college. i am depressed knowing that i committed a sin and i can't find the strength to forgive myself, the father of my baby, and my parents. at home things are different. there is not a minute that goes by that i think about my baby. now some family relatives found out about my situation and are so curious about it. it makes me angry that they want to know so bad and will do anything to find out about me. my culture is very oriented also.

thank you,
November 1998

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"My terror is no worse than that of women who feel trapped by an unintended, unwanted pregnancy, sooooo - I'll be doing abortions again today."
- Seattle area physician the day of the funeral for Dr. Slepian who was assassinated in Buffalo, NY in Oct. 1998.