Kelly's Story

I have recently had an abortion about three weeks ago.

When I first found out I was pregnant, It was a total shock. Being very young, It was not something to celebrate. Although I have a generation of family that has had babies young, I didn't learn from their mistakes, and was faced with the problem myself.

I have a boyfriend of 7 months, who was (and still is) an angel. He supported me in whatever decision I made; but like me, he was shocked as well. He felt he didn't want a child right now, but if I made the decision to keep the baby, he would be there for me, as well as be a father to the baby. I also had strong moral support from my older sister, who had my niece when she was 17; and support from the rest of family. So the decision was up to me, and I would have support either way I went.

Never being pregnant before, I didn't have strong feelings against abortion, but it was never anything I would want to do. I was torn right down the middle, between keeping it, and having an abortion.

After struggling with the hardest decision I have ever made in my life, I decided to have an abortion. I made an appointment for Saturday morning, and spent a sleepless night awaiting the long drive to the clinic.

The clinic was nice, and there were a lot of other women there. While I sat and waited for my name to be called, I noticed that I was the youngest one there, And all the other women seemed they were waiting to get their teeth cleaned.

The hardest part for me was getting a sonogram. A part of me wanted to see, but I knew that it would break my heart. After the sonogram, I went to the bathroom for a urine sample, and tried hard to fight back tears. While waiting for them to call me back to have the surgery, I waited, clothed in a gown and sheet to put around my waste, in a room full of other awaiting women. I sat back and listened to the others casually having conversations about their other children they didn't abort, and why they were having abortions. I was shocked to hear that one woman was almost 11 weeks pregnant, It was hard for me to have an abortion at almost eight weeks.

The rest was a blur, I tried to clear my head of all thoughts and relax. Afterwards, my mother and my boyfriend drove me home to my bed, where I slept, still sleepy and recovering.

Now, looking back, I believe I made a good decision, It may have not been the right decision, but I feel it was a good one. My sister told me there is no right or wrong decision when facing abortion. I truly believe that now, more than ever. I am still emotionally torn from this experience, and believe I probably always will be.

Everyday, I ask myself a barrage of questions: would it have been a boy or a girl, who would it of looked like, what it what of grown up to be, etc. Although I know asking myself these questions doesn't help matters any,I still can't keep myself from wondering.

Having an abortion is something I never want to do again, and I WILL make it a learning experience and not make the same mistakes, as should all other women.

5 March 1999

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