Jenny's Story

I had an abortion when I was 17 years old, it was on October 17, 1996. It was the worst day of my life. I went into the clinic, my brother drove me, he being 4 years older than me, and working in conjunction with my mother, forced me to do it. There was no way at the time I could have raised a baby on my own, but all the same I felt horrible about what I was doing.

I was given medicine to numb me or put me out although it not affect me at all. I was led by a nurse into a small room, told to strip down to my socks, and lie down on the table, so I did. A couple minutes later the doctor came in. He said nothing, he didn't even look at me. He just opened me up and started sticking things inside of me. I could feel him inside me and it felt like he was ripping me apart. The nurse came in and gave me a shot and held me still. I couldn't stand the pain. I was crying hysterically. It felt like eternity and I was so sad. I felt so alone. When he was done he just got up and walked out silent!

The nurse helped me get dressed and they led me into another room where I was told to lie down on the couch until I was ready to go. I was still crying hysterically. They acted as if nothing had happened I lay there for a long time. The medication was taking affect now but I was numb inside. Other women walked in and out as if it were nothing and I felt stupid because I couldn't let it go. They finally asked me to leave but I didn't want to. The whole way home my brother yelled at me. He just kept asking if I was happy now? Well no I wasn't.

I know it may have been the right thing at the time but it still haunts me. I sometimes think about her. I even have dreams about her, but she's not mine she's someone else's. I never talked about it to anyone. I would always cry alone. It hurts so much when you are all alone.

My name is Jenny. I'm 19 now, I'm married and I have 2 babies: 17 months and 5 months old. I couldn't stand the loss of my first child - I ended up pregnant again 7 months later but under very different circumstances. I was able to keep these children of mine and it makes me wonder if she is asking herself why didn't you keep me? That also makes me sad to think about but I'm taking it one day at a time.

20 May 1999

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Thought for the day:
"Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching."
(author unknown)