I began to feel different one week
before my 21st birthday. I was really not having any symptoms, but I just knew
something was strange. Jaimie
I thought for a very long time I was in love.
Five years, I guess you could say at one time I was in love. My first love. Until
he hurt me over and over. Cheated on me. And never treated me like I deserved.
And then he went into the service. And left the state. And for once I began to
see the light.
I began to date, and have the fun I never had the chance
to. Two years later he came home. And like the fool that he caused me to be I
agreed to see him again. Under my conditions: they were that I would date other
people. Within those six months I saw a big change in him. He had become a man.
But I also saw I was living my life again. And I began to realize I did not love
him like I had thought. But unfortunately I continued to have sex with him.
I was also crazy about this guy I had known for a long time. I was at a wedding,
had one too many drinks. And before either of us knew it we were in bed together.
I had done something totally out of my character. We had unprotected sex. Why?
I really can not answer. The most horrible part was I used nothing with the ex
boyfriend either. I confessed to the ex. I came clean with everything.
One month later, I begin to have this strange feeling I might be pregnant. I remember
thinking this can't be after all this time of unprotected sex. This cannot be
happening now. It was one week before my birthday. And I actually recall thinking
I will wait till after my birthday to take a test. And so I waited almost until
my birthday. I could no longer take it now I was begging to feel sick. And realized
I was two weeks late.
Who could I turn to? I was ashamed to even tell
anyone I thought I was (pregnant), let alone to say I am. I went to my sister
who is my best friend. I will never forget seeing that faint line on the screen
of the test. I looked at my sister and just began to cry. A million thought ran
through my head. My sister was very supportive. She had just a baby a few months
before. She looked at me and told me you do what is right for YOU and no one else.
Make your decision and never look back. At the time I thought easier said than
done. I loved children and lived for the day I could have them. But this was not
I never told my sister that I had slept with the other guy.
I never told a soul about him. Except of course my ex. I went to my ex and told
him and his response was incredible. He said I will never ask if it is mine I
will support you in anyway you want. I told him I was going to have an abortion.
He was not thrilled but he did stand by me.
It is never easy and the
week I waited I laid in bed by his side and cried all the time. I was a zombie
at work and at night just lay with him, asking over and over, is this the right
choice? Until I realized there was no choice. For me to question meant I was not
ready. I did not want to give a beautiful baby any less.
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a woman to be a lesbian in a male-supremacist, capitalist, misogynist, racist,
homophobic, imperialistic culture, such as that of North America, is an act of
- by Cheryl Clarke in 1981
for those experiencing emotional turmoil after abortion: