Sixteen years ago I was a pregnant teenager,
in love, foolish and naive about life. My family thought I was ruining my future
when I met my ex-husband, got pregnant, and didn't have an abortion... now I'm
facing the same decision again, a divorced, single mom, pregnant, with a daughter
who is 16 years old now.
In this transitional time in my life, I feel so
out of whack... numb... My biggest question is "How could I let this happen?"
I'm 31 years old, have been divorced for 4 years, have three children who all
will be grown adults in less then 6 years and I will only be 37. I was looking
forward to being a young grandmother, not an older mom.
I remember facing
this decision during each of my last four pregnancies, it was during the early
weeks of the fourth pregnancy, when my husband (then of 8 years), and I made our
choice. Even so, 8 years later, and it still eats at me. It has caused me to have
onsets of depression, and took away from my self-image as a mother to the three
children we already had. I'm not sure if I didn't even resent my husband afterwards
for pressuring me into having an abortion and am positive that the emotions after
the abortion lead to some of the reasons we divorced.
But things are different
now. My partner and I are in love, but we're not married, in fact, we've only
been dating 8 months, and we both are afraid of the impact a baby will have on
our lives. Especially of the commitment. He doesn't ever want to have children,
and I already have three. Of course he wants me to have an abortion, but says
he'll stand behind me either way... which after reading some of these stories,
I guess I should feel fortunate. But for some reason, I don't. Just feel confused,
depressed and angry at him for putting me in this situation.. But am more angry
at myself for allowing it to happen. Emma
27 January 1999
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has really failed women by not recognizing abortion can be a very moral choice
- that choosing abortion for your own best interests is moral."